Why Couples Counseling Seems to Cause Divorce

Four Ways to Save Your Relationship With Marriage Therapy

Jul 22, 2009

Couples counseling isn't usually a cause of divorce, though it can happen. These reasons for divorce for couples in therapy include ways to save a troubled marriage.

Some couples with marital problems refuse counseling, believing it causes divorce. Here are several reasons marriage therapy appears to cause divorce, including ways to save a troubled relationship with counseling.

Couples in Marriage Counseling Aren’t Always Honest

One reason marriage therapy seems to cause divorce is the fact that couples aren’t always honest with their partners or the counselor. Spouses may be ashamed, embarrassed, or reluctant to admit their thoughts and actions, which creates barriers in the marriage.

Relationships like this eventually end in divorce – and the couple thinks it’s because of the marriage therapy. To save a troubled marriage, partners must be as honest as possible in and out of therapy.

Couples Are in Marriage Counseling as a Last Resort

Couples in counseling usually have serious marriage problems, and not all problems can be solved – even with the help of a marital therapist.

When couples wait until the issues are insurmountable before seeking counseling, the problems may be too deep and ingrained to solve. To save a troubled marriage, resolve to deal with marriage problems before years have passed.

Couples in Marriage Counseling Quit Too Soon

Marriage problems can take years to develop, and require time, effort, and energy to resolve! If the couple quits therapy after few months and then separates, it could appear that the counseling caused the divorce. In reality, it was the fact that the couple didn’t work on their problems long enough. To save a troubled marriage, stay in counseling for at least six months – or even a year.

Marriage Counselors Damage the Relationship

Unfortunately, some couples counselors damage marriages and actually cause problems that lead to divorce. A therapist can make marriage problems worse by choosing the wrong therapeutic approach, announcing the marriage is doomed to failure, or by simply being incompetent.

To save a troubled marriage, ask the therapist for credentials and references. Ask for a free “information interview,” and make sure the counselor helps you both feel comfortable and accepted.

Couples counseling doesn't typically cause divorce. Usually, therapy reveals unresolvable or deep-seated issues; it's those marriage problems that lead to divorce. Learning healthy conflict resolution in marriage from the beginning – before the wedding, even -- is the best way to build a healthy, happy marriage.

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The copyright of the article Why Couples Counseling Seems to Cause Divorce in Couples Counselling is owned by Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen. Permission to republish Why Couples Counseling Seems to Cause Divorce in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.