Fights within relationships are usually triggered by a specific event. However, it is important to make sure that this singular event does not escalate into an unnecessary and sometimes unfixable situation. How can this possibly be done? By attempting to maintain logical control and communicating effectively, couples can resolve conflicts and achieve a stronger bond.
Use Words to Communicate During an Argument
Never assume that slamming a door means anything coherent to your significant other. Walking away from an argument makes it impossible to work through the situation – how is anyone supposed to understand how you are feeling internally if you do not tell them?
Although people in relationships are emotionally close, mind-reading between these two people is impossible. Do not assume that passive-aggressive tactics such as rolling eyes, the silent treatment, or throwing inanimate objects can be considered as methods of effective communication. In fact, this only breeds animosity. This also may cause the other person to react negatively to the negative behavior, as opposed to fostering an understanding or leading to a discussion on the topic of the argument.
Attack the Situation, not the Person
When a conflict arises in a relationship, many find it helpful to address the situation in question instead of blaming the situation on an unchangeable personality trait.
For example, if someone forgot to call at a specific time, it's best to address that specific situation. Do not accuse the other person of forgetting because they are “unreliable” or “selfish.” Situations and behaviors are fixable and changeable, whereas personality traits are often considered permanent and thus harder to change.
Play Fair When Arguing
When a couple engages in an argument, avoid bringing up offenses in the past. Instead, deal with the situation at hand. Mistakes or incidents from ten years ago are not relevant.
Also try to avoid acting in a way that's hurtful or mean. Underhanded insults and nasty comments said in the heat of the moment should be avoided at all costs. They can leave deep emotional wounds. Such unfair tactics will only serve to make the fight more detrimental to the relationship.
Apologize even if you are Right
An admission of fault (on either side of the disagreement) is sometimes all that is needed to end a fight. Even if you do not consider yourself to be the cause of the actual conflict, just apologizing for the fact that the fight occurred can help break down the walls, allowing for more effective communication. If you have legitimately cause the fight, it's helpful to apologize as soon as possible. Pride is never useful when it comes to resolving an argument.
These are all strategies that can be used to turn what is often viewed as a negative situation into a positive one. Learning how to resolve conflict effectively can lead to relationship growth and greater understanding. By fighting fair, couples can avoid potential future fights and can concentrate on happy times and positive elements of the relationship.
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